It’s Hard to Type With a Four Year Old in Your Lap

My poor little baby girl has been ill for the past week or so, and I think it’s quite telling about the relationship I have with her that whenever she hurts herself or she’s feeling unwell, she comes running to me.

Actually, she comes running to me most of the time. It’s not that she doesn’t get on with Mrs Nobbs or anything, she absolutely does, and she idolises her Big Brother just as any little sister should.

But when push comes to shove, she’s a “Daddy’s Girl”. Or, rather, a “Papa’s Girl.”

And I’m sure any parent knows just how ‘clingy’ a four year old can be when they are feeling unwell. I’ve spent a good portion of the last week or so with her clinging to me like a limpet, sleeping on my chest either in her bed, my bed or on the sofa or sitting on my lap as I try and use my laptop at the dining table.

And let me tell you, it’s difficult to type with a wriggly little four year old in your lap, hell bent on ‘helping’ you to type whatever it is you’re trying to type, playing with the mouse, or asking if she can play the Paw Patrol games on nickjr.co.uk.

Still, if I’m honest, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I know how lucky I am to have my little girl, and to have the relationship I do with her. I know how lucky I am to stand in a cold, wet field watching my boy play football or sit with him as we learn to play the guitar together or get thrashed by him on FIFA on his Xbox any day we damn well please.

Far too many men these days are denied the opportunity to play the fullest part in their children’s lives that they can, either through their own failings or through vindictive ex-partners. And this, I feel, is one of the real tragedies of our times. To my mind, you can’t really call yourself  ‘a man’ until you’re a father—until you know what it’s like to see the utter, unconditional love in your childs eyes and felt that unconditional love in return. Until you’ve wiped their tears dry. Until you’ve chased away the monsters under the bed. Until you’ve cured whatever ails them them with a ‘daddy hug’.

I love being a father, that more than anything else, defines who I am.

Some people might say I’m wrong for say that and for what I’m about to say. Well, you know what? Screw them.

Children, both boys and girls, need their fathers and fathers never feel complete without their children. And every day I thank whichever deity happens to be listening that I have both my kids taking up so much of my time.

Guitar Video #1

This is the first of what I hope will be a series of videos of me as I learn the guitar and (hopefully) get better.

Or not.

Anyway, it is what it is, make of it what you will. Enjoy.

Learning the Guitar

I had a guitar for Christmas. Mrs Nobbs bought it for me. It’s because of an agreement I had with my son. If he passed his grade one piano, I’d buy him a guitar and we’d learn it together.

Of course, I’m a complete novice and he plays piano, cello and Oboe, so he’s raced ahead of me already.

But I’m persevering. Playing guitar is something I’ve always wanted to do and I’m not going to give up on it.

Yesterday, for a laugh, I shot a short video of myself practicing my scales (and doing them badly). I think what I’m going to do is film an intro to this later tonight, then cut the thing together and upload it to YouTube. It’ll be a laugh.

For you lot.

It’ll be embarrassing for me, I’m sure.

But actually, it might be a motivation to keep practicing and hopefully getting better. I’ll keep making videos and posting them and see if I make any progress.

Or not, as the case may be.

We shall see.

Oh, and do you remember my recording of me reading “The Gruffalo” to my daughter? Last night I recorded myself reading “Zog” to her. It’s on my soundcloud. Give me a day or so and I’ll post it here so you can listen to that too.

The Importance of Team Sports

My son will be 10 at the end of December, and after several years of him asking to join a football team, I finally relented and found him a club for this season. (By football, I mean the game that is called “soccer” in some parts of the world—the one that’s actually played with one’s feet rather than one’s hands, hence the name. This is the first and last time you’ll hear me call it soccer)

Youth football is played in age groups, and he’s in the Under-10s division this year (what with being ‘under 10’ at the start of the season and all). At this age they play 7-a-side instead of 11, the manager can make as many substitutions as he likes (to give the boys a rest, I assume) and they haven’t yet introduced the offside rule or yellow and red cards.

But more importantly, at this age, the boys are just starting to ‘get’ the idea of teamwork. They are just now starting to learn to ‘stay in position’ and ‘play for the team’ rather than simply chasing after the ball (although some boys seem to ‘get’ this more than others).

Jr’s mom wasn’t all that keen on him joining a football team. After all, it’s a winter game, played in all weathers and her little boy really shouldn’t be out in the cold and wet—he might get the flu. But I was keen for him to join. And it had nothing to do with hardening him up to bad weather.

The big difference between me and my wife on this issue is that I played team sports in my youth and she didn’t. So I understand just what a young man can learn from team sports and why it’s important. And I don’t think this is something she really understands. She would rather he concentrate on his music (currently piano, cello and obo, although he wants a guitar for Christmas) or golf—which obviously you don’t play in the rain. I’m all for him carrying on with as many musical instruments as possible—that has all sorts of advantages for a young man—and I also want him to keep up with golf, if only as a hobby, because it’s the kind of hobby that can open doors—how many business deals are done on the golf course?

This difference between us in terms of team sports can perhaps be seen in our respective careers—I’m very much ‘part of a team’ in my job, relying on other people as they rely on me. But she often struggles to build that same sense of teamwork in her job—she’s a teacher and is very much on her own in the classroom most of the time, isolated from her fellow teachers for long stretches of the day.

I was discussing this with Jr this past weekend as we made the half-hour journey to his ‘away’ match. It was quite a wide-ranging discussion for an almost 10-year-old. It went from the way he’s settled in with most of his new team-mates, to the problems he’s been having with one of them in particular, to that week’s edition of The Apprentice.

You know The Apprentice, don’t you? Lord Sir Alan Sugar puts a group of potential business partners through their paces in an effort to win his quarter of a million pound investment. The present series is in the early stages, where the teams are still very much girls v boys and the boys have won both tasks while the girls showed all the backstabbing bitchiness we’ve come to expect of the show. It wasn’t actually the show itself that came into our discussion, but a comment from one of the panellists in the ‘after show’, “You’re Fired”.

She said something along the lines of “Men are used to working in groups of only men, they do it all the time even when they are kids, but women don’t. They’re not used to working with only women and don’t know how to cope with it.” (I couldn’t be bothered to go watch the show again to find the exact quote, but you’ll find it on the iPlayer if you’re really interested)

It was the kind of quote that, if said by a man, would have the Twitter Feminists up in arms, but since it was a woman that said, that’s fine, she’s just supporting the sisterhood and showing how the men have the privilege of The Patriarchy.

But that’s beside the point. Let’s for a second put sexual politics aside and ask if what she says is true, are men really used to working in all male groups but women aren’t used to working in all-female groups?

Well, as long as we’re talking about women who didn’t go to an all-girl school, I’d say pretty much. And the main reason for that is that, on average, girls are less likely to play team sports. Yes, there are a lot of young women who do play team sports and lots of young men that don’t, but, in my experience, you’re more likely to find it’s the boys that want to play football, rugby, basketball, etc.

Team sports are really essential to a young person’s development, and if you don’t take part in them, you really are missing out. Here are the things that I think, or hope, that my son will learn from being a part of his new football club.

The Importance of Teamwork—This one is obvious really. He will learn that you can accomplish more as part of a team than as an individual.

The need to stick to your Job—all young boys want to be the star player. They all want to be the one that scores the goals that win the games. But so far this year, Jr has been playing mainly in defence. And even so he has already been voted “Man of the Match” twice in seven games. And this is because he stuck to his job. He held his position and kept plugging away even when some of his team-mates had given up.

You don’t always get on with everyone on your team—but that doesn’t mean you can’t work with them for the benefit of the team. Jr is finding this with one lad in particular. He’s really getting along well with all the other boys, but this one lad and he really don’t like each other. But they are learning that this doesn’t stop them from passing the ball to each other during the game, from helping an encouraging each other so that the team can win.

The Qualities of Leadership—At this age, the team doesn’t have a captain, but they will next year and the coach has made it clear he’ll be picking the captain for the season based on the way they play this year. And I think Jr is already a contender for the job. He is showing the qualities of a leader, as evidenced by his two “Man of the Match” awards. He isn’t seeking glory for himself. He is watching the game to see what his team-mates are doing and telling them (or trying to) what they need to do.

The Importance of Commitment—The last game he played was the first in really bad weather. It was cold and it was tipping it down. His mother would rather he didn’t play. But Jr insisted that he couldn’t let the team down just because it was raining. Not all his team mates were quite so committed

How to Win and How to Lose—Seven games into the season, the team has won four and lost three. Three of the wins were by six goals or more. One of the losses was 9-0. And after every game the coach wants the players to shake hands with the other team. I’ve watched Jr and he’s made the effort to shake the hands of as many of the other team’s players as he could. Win or lose, you need to retain that sense of sportsmanship. And he’s learning that.

I’m sure there are other lessons he’ll learn. I’m sure of it. But these are the ones I can think of right now as being the most important. And all of them are the kind of lessons a young man can take into adulthood and will stand him in good stead. I hope he learns them well.

“Arrow” Returns – But who’s in that Grave?

One of my favourite shows, Arrow, is back with a barnstorming season opener that ‘resets’ things after last year’s finale. Last year saw Oliver and Felicity driving off into the sunset together, leaving Starling City in the hands of Laurel, Thea and Diggle.

This year opened with a glimpse into “Olicity’s” suburban, domestic bliss—that image of Flick sitting on the kitchen counter reading a book and prodding an omelette (as seen in the trailer below) will live in my memory for some time to come. But all too soon Thea and Laurel show up asking for help and by the end of the episode Oliver has been recast as “The Green Arrow”, offering to be the beacon of hope that plain old “The Arrow” never was.

And with a nasty new super-villain on the scene, we’re all set for an exciting season, one that perhaps will bring some of the fun of the comic book to the screen (at last).

But… This wouldn’t be “Arrow” if there wasn’t some pain for the protagonists on the horizon and that was offered up in the form of a six-month flash-forward scene at the end of the ep which sees Oliver crying over someone’s grave and vowing revenge.

But who’s grave? That is the question. What follows are my thoughts on each of the candidates for a mid-season exit.

The way I see it, there are five possible candidates, so let’s go through them. Starting with…

Felicity

Yes, Yes, I know. This is the most obvious one. After the way this season has started, could the writers possibly come up with a more heart-breaking way to send Oliver back to “the Darkness”? Imagine it, Oliver finally pops the question, they start making plans, then… Poof, she’s snatched away from him.

Flick’s death is also the most likely to bring Barry Allen over from Central City (although I’d have thought he’d have actually made it to the funeral rather than miss it).

However, I really don’t think the writers are this stupid. Flick is quite possibly the most popular character on the show, so popular that she’s done the impossible and transitioned from the TV show to the comic book. They’d have a bloody rebellion on their hands if they killed her off. I really don’t think that it’s Flick in that grave. Or maybe I just hope it’s not.

Thea

This is the next most obvious candidate, I think. Thea is the last remaining member of Olly’s family and killing her for good would certainly send him over the edge—just look at what it did to him last season even though he was able to bring her back!

Plus, with Thea seemingly having lost all inhibitions and sense of danger and looking very much like The Arrow looked in season one—that is, willing to kill—she’s actually likely to find herself coming to a sticky end, perhaps by going off on some reckless quest on her own.

But, again, I think the writer’s would be daft to kill off Thea. She’s utterly adorable, has been since day one. She’s also the connection to the world that Olly needs that gives him a reason to keep trying to save Star City. Without her, I think The Green Arrow might well lose his motivation.

Laurel

Now, here’s a character the writers could kill off that I’m sure the fans wouldn’t be at all upset about. Which is exactly why I don’t think they will. This is because she’s just starting to become interesting. Black Canary has a lot of potential, and I reckon the writers want to do all they can to realise it.

Detective Lance

Lance has already tipped his hand in the first episode of this season and made himself a prime candidate for being offed. It would make sense from a story point of view. And I could see Olly blaming himself for not stopping it. But Lance’s death isn’t going to leave him crying at the graveside. So while I don’t think Lance will survive the season, I don’t think he’s the one in that grave.

Which brings us to…

Diggle

For three seasons he’s been The Arrow’s conscience, his wise counsel, his trusted mentor. But the trust they had, and the friendship they shared, was shattered at the end of season three. At the start of season four, the animosity is still there, the awkwardness in their relationship clear to see.

Which is why it makes perfect sense for Diggle to bite the bullet. The Arrow no longer needs a big brother, a wise counsel. Diggle has, in that sense, served his purpose. But to watch them rebuild their relationship this year only for Diggle to be killed, really would be enough to set Olly on a path of revenge – and it would be a satisfying way for Diggle to bow out.

Plus, Dig also has a history with H.I.V.E. and that history is what could lead to his death. Everything about this possibility makes sense. Which is why, even though I’d be sad to see him leave, I think it’s John Diggle in that grave.

It’s speculation, of course. And there’s going to be a shit load of it from now on after every episode as the fans look for clues. But in the end, I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.